just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
