Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
