Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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