My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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