We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
