So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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