You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
