Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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