Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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