I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
