So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
