Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
