i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
