Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
