Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
