awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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