I just made out with a guy for $7.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
