Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
