where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
