Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
