Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
