I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
