I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
