LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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