I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
