I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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