I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
