Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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