Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
