i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
