Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
God, I missed his penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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