his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
