I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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