you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize