No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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