New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
