so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
