I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my vagina is haunted
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
