I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
