Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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