goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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