i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
