Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
