when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
