Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
