Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
