The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
