He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
