An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
