everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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