New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
