why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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