There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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