addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
