The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
