I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
