even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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