Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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