he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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