its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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