cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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