never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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