I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
