I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
