the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
