He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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