we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
