We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
