My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
